Author Koh Lin ◦ 1988
Augur. it was like any other day.
your tears. momentarily shocked. glisten with
inadequate words. as you hopped from one foot to the other.
emotional tremour. ashened in your face.
and a sound like some creature in a steel trap
welled up from the depths of your soul.
and when all was said and done
your heavy heart and fractured mind
gathered up it’s jagged edge and turned.
Imbued
the air blackened
tears parched
i lay in bed
sinking slowly
into the abyss.
hate; consuming
but never quite
reaching, bottom
in empty bottles –
i howl at the moon
dissolve in despair
and shake the bars.
i scream
the silent scream
and drag my body
out into the open
hiding
in reflections
tormented
behind eyes, and a
thousand thoughts
sneer
at acquaintenances
and friends.
sharing the idle banter
of voices in smokey bars
froth-stained glasses
and bodies; warm
the odour of reality-
keeping spectres at bay
as i lay watching
four walls
and the evening sun
cast shadows
through the venetian
blind.
Denial. a dim light that flickers
in a black hole with no sides. you fell.
but there’s no sound. as senses separate
like discordant notes. in conscious slumber
the party played. and dance to a refrain
that haunts the mind and sates the soul.
a requiem march. across your body.
and all that’s left is the pain that hovers
on the threshold of madness.
Soliloquy
i turn back
unlamented; unremarked
no more bargains
unanswered questions
just life
death
and a vision
of no future.
a line drawn
of memories
before; a living
that was, after –
the fear
acceptance (not yet?)
and cycles
the unbearable
struggle of being.
i lean
upon life’s crutches
breathe sallow
the precious air
and see
the hands that missed-
and grasp the light
that ebbs
holding back
the encroaching
night
and the last
whispered litany
as i emerge
from that
nowhere land
into neither
…and yet perhaps
a hope.
